MARRIAGE IN ISLAM
By Khadija Watson

Food, sleep and sex are the most powerful drives in human beings. Islam recognizes these as God given and at the same time one accepts the responsibility for control over these actions. Islam does not practice asceticism, celibacy or castration. Islam is a religion founded on high moral values; fornication (sex before marriage) and adultery (sex outside of marriage) are both very seriously spoken out against by Allah in the Holy Quran and carry grave punishments both in this world and the next.

Marriage is appointed by Allah as the acceptable and recognized frame work of mankind in which sex can be fulfilled. The beginning of the down fall of every civilizations starts with the deviation of the sexual behavior. Marriage, what was once the corner stone of society is crumbling into a forgotten institution. Causal sex is expected on a date or outing, live-in partners preferred over marriage, homosexuality is regarded as another life style.

Marriage in Islam is a family affair since it is also an alliance between families. While dating is not a part of courtship, there is a structure that allows the man and woman to meet in presence of the girl's maharam, (a close male relative that is non-marriageable to the girl in question). This affords protection for the girl and at the same time gives an opportunity for the couple to ask questions and become acquainted in a safe environment. Most marriages in Islam are arranged marriages but this does not mean that the women is forced into marriage, since that would be a violation of Islamic law and go against the teachings Prophet Muhammad, (peace and blessings be upon him) who said, “A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her: and a virgin should not be given in marriage without her consent.” It will probably come as a great surprise to most Westerners to find out that 60% of the marriages in the world are arranged marriages whether Islamic or not! Along with arranged marriages comes a lower divorce rate!! Those who have only been exposed to “love” marriages, an arranged marriage is a strange concept. However, when we look at the divorce rate of the United States alone it stands at one out of every two!!

Once it has been agreed upon by both parties, then the marriage contract will be signed in front of an authorized person , usually an Iman who is like a priest or pastor or if living in an Islamic society in the court. There must be two Muslim witnesses present as well the the girl's maharm which could be her father, grandfather, uncle, or brother. At the signing of the contract the woman has the opportunity to make any stipulation that she wishes, this is a privilege given to her only and not the man. She doesn't have to do this, but may if she likes as long as she does not put anything that goes against what Allah has allowed. For instants she may not put anything regarding the divorce of any other wives that the man may presently have nor is she allowed to stipulate that if he takes another wife he must divorce her, because more than one wife is allowed by Allah. She may put i.e. she wishes to continue her studies, or work. The man is required to present the mahr (dowry)in full or part at this time, as Allah says in the Holy Quran, “And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a gift” (Quran 4:20). Without the giving of mahr either in full or part the marriage is invalid.

It must be stated here that a Muslim man may marry a Christian or Jew without them being required to embrace Islam. However, any child that they will have must be raised as Muslims. The Muslim woman on the other hand may only marry a Muslim man because in Islam the man is the head of the family and she is to be obedient to the husband. On the other hand if the woman were married to a non-Muslim it is very possible that he would want her to do certain things that are prohibited by Allah, such as serving or having alcohol in the house, or eating pork, not being allowed her to wear hijab or practice her religion, even though before marriage he perhaps agreed to this. And then there are always the children who must be raised as Muslims.

We must mention also that it is not allowed to have a marriage ceremony in any other religion to please the non-Muslim wife or her parents. It might be necessary in non-Islamic countries to go to the court or Justice of the Peace in order to have the legal papers of that country but this should always be preceded by an Islamic marriage, other wise the marriage will not be recognized in Islam.

There are no rituals, exchanging of rings or vows in the Islamic marriage, this is the way of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him) and we should follow his example. The wearing of wedding dresses and elaborate expensive weddings are an imitation of the non-Muslims and should be avoided. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said to keep things simple in order to encourage young people to get married in order to avoid the graver sins (fornication and adultery).

After the contract has been signed there must be a Walima (reception), the purpose of this is to show that you are legally married and not just living together. It is a time for friends and family to share your joy. This may be as simple as a pizza or as elaborate as a seven course meal. Prophet Muhammad, (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Make a walima even if it is a sheep.” A sheep in those days was something common which may not be so today. But the idea is to present what you can afford. One time he had nothing and his companions contributed, dates, butter and dried yogurt.

Preparing for a wedding shouldn't take months or even years, some couples are waiting for long time in order to have apartment in a certain area or such and such things to put inside or waiting, waiting until they can afford this or that. This is unnecessary and in the mean time months and years go by and only makes it more difficult. There is nothing like going through some hard times together to cause a real bonding and when you both save to buy something you appreciate it more.

Having gotten married the husband and wife are to treat each other with respect. Common courtesies and a good sense of humor go a long way in developing a good relationship. The husband who shows consideration to his wife builds a strong foundation which in turn allows her to express her love and appreciation for him. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him) use to help his wives by mending his own clothes and doing dishes. He did this to show that it is not beneath a husband to extend a helping hand to his wife. To make a good marriage work the wife should also be clean and attractive for her husband. Both should guard what they say to outsiders about each other. They should never divulge their intimate sexual behavior, nor discuss each others faults to anyone. A wife should present a home atmosphere that is clean, quite and calm. Children should be taught at an early age to be respectful to their parents and others. Parents should always set time aside for themselves together without other distractions, if only for a few hours each week.

A marriage that is set upon the foundation of Islam will be a peaceful and happy one. A marriage that does not neglect pray, Quranic study, and fasting in Ramadan is an exemplary Islamic home and radiates the love for Allah to neighbors who are living in darkness and ignorance.

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